So you want to adopt through TAIWAN??? Or anywhere?

Hello, Welcome to the confusing yet wonderful world of adoption via Taiwan. If you are like I was, you are probably searching for an agency or an adoption path that fits your family profile, your budget, your desired time frame, and possibly even how long you want to be in country. Well, with China adding and changing their rules around, in turn eliminating the option for some to adopt from China, it is now thrusting these parents to other asian countries to find their little ones and Taiwan is quickly becoming the country to adopt from. With their lax rules Which are as follows from the U.S. Government site.
I will start by suggesting that you ask about requirements of the country, the orphanages they work with specifically, and also the agency itself and ask them to divide the rules and regs up by that standard. If they are claiming a reg that is not in the below state department list, and they are claiming it is.. BEWARE!

A. ASK ABOUT RULES AND REGS of the orphanages, country and agency

I. ELIGIBILITY REQUIREMENTS FOR ADOPTIVE PARENTS: The articles of law relating to adoption in Taiwan are found in the Civil Code (Family and Children Welfare Act in Book VI), Articles 1072 through 1083.

• The adopting parents must be at least twenty years older than the child(ren) to be adopted.
• No child adopted may be:
  1. Directly related by blood;
  2. Directly related by marriage, except in the adoption of the other spouse’s child as a stepchild; and
  3. Indirectly related by blood, such as cousins (unless removed by a certain degree), the spouse of a sibling, or a sibling of your spouse. (Taiwan law is very detailed about what degree of indirect blood relation is excluded from adoption. If prospective adoptive parents are concerned about possible blood ties with the child they wish to adopt, they should contact AIT for clarification before proceeding with the adoption.)

Taiwanese regulations further stipulate that adopting parents must be adults not older than 55 years of age. A married person who adopts a child shall do so jointly with his/her spouse.

So, with that said, I would secondly suggest that when you speak to an agency or an independent adoption source, you ask what THEIR rules and regulations are or policies for placement with their families. St. Lucy Center and Chung Yi's rules are more like "suggestions" that can be over turned. They do review a family on a case by case basis. Some regs do come from the orphanages such as:

II. ORPHANAGE REGS:

Must be over the age of 25 or 20 years older than the child (second is in an older child adoption)
Must be married 5 years or more.
Must not have criminal history (although this is a suggested rule, and can be overturned)
Must be in good health (This is not by any means meaning that if you have an issue that you won't be considered again, these are used really as GUIDELINES and not a hard line of fact)

Now, the agencies however are adding a higher level of insult or hoops to be jumped by requiring even more... such as:

II. A. Agency rules:

Must be over 30.
Must not have a Body Mass Index over 30 or 40%
Must not have any health problems existing.
Cannot choose sex of child to be adopted.
Cannot add to your family if you have X amount of children.
Must wait until child in your home is X months or years old.
Cannot adopt from Taiwan unless you are XXX religion.

Please ask your agency for guidelines and policies for their programs before signing and make sure they line up with your goals and desires for your journey. MOST agencies will represent that their rules are orphanage or country specific and THEY ARE NOT!
Please, if you are being told that your agency is wanting you to comply with any of the afore mentioned (paragraph II A.) and your family is wishing for a different outcome.... please do not hesitate to contact another agency until you find what you are desiring as far as stipulations.
For instance a family told me that they were wanting to adopt, BUT they had 5 children and the agency they contacted told them that they could not help them, BUT they put them in another program under the guise that this "other" program would be better for their family. YOU SHOULD NOT BE CO-Hearsed into a situation you do not want to comply with. There are other agencies with other programs that very well may suit you. LOOK ELSEWHERE!

B. ASK ABOUT GAG CLAUSES THAT PREVENT PAST CLIENTS OF THE AGENCY TO SHARE EXPERIENCES OPENLY AND HONESTLY.

I. Most if not all agencies that will have you sign a very scary contract. This contract usually is standard in many ways... BUT there are some agencies that will put a clause in the contract known as a GAG clause, that will legally bind you and their clients in totality to never be allowed to discuss a wrong doing, bad experience, or a distateful subject matter outside the company. Therefore you will be in danger of lawsuit if you do have a horrible experience and are caught sharing.
II. These same agencies that employ the GAG CLAUSE, are also sending spies into the adoption world on forums you discuss on and in chat rooms in order to lore you out and catch you discussing a bad ordeal you had or are having with your agency so that they can hold their GAG clause over your head. They do not identify themselves until you have been caught, if then. They act as a questioning parent or uninterested party.

C. WHEN DECIDING ON AN AGENCY, JOIN FORUMS SUCH AS

Adoption_Agency_Research@yahoo.com and ask questions about the agencies or inteties/resources you are desiring to work with to bring your child home.
I. Other helpful sites for fishing for answers are:
a. AdoptingfromTaiwan@yahoo.com
b.ChristianInternationalAdoption@yahoo.com,
c. Adopting_from_Taiwan@yahoo.com (recommend research on this group only)
d.Adoption.com (forums: International adoption/General Asian forum

D. ASK IF THE AGENCY PROVIDES A "TAIWAN SIDE" HELPER

I. This is a person that works on the inside of Taiwan to ask questions more directly, go to the orphanage to represent your desire or need for your child and meets you in country to help you with the first meeting with your child and to translate while there. MANY do not supply this. This is a comfort level for some families feel they must have.

E. ASK HOW IN DEPTH THE AGENCY WILL PREPARE YOU FOR TRAVEL

I. The agency we worked with was SUPERIOR in this topic. They provided WAY above what we were expecting as traveling parents.
a. They provided handmade taxi cards to insure an easier time getting around. These cards included address in Mandarin to an english speaking doctor, major hotels, shopping, sites, AIT, orphanages.. etc. They proved INVALUABLE.
b. They provided us with a type of commercial taxi card which was from Taiwan with more in depth info and more sites and such.
c. They provided us with an in depth look via web look into Taiwan's culture, traditions and what was expected of us as Americans. This was most helpful in buying gifts since flowers are usually given at funerals only by Taiwan tradition, and the Taiwanese do not open gifts in front of people, they are put aside until later. Things like this can really cause a kink in your trip when you are already frazzled about all the goings on about to happen.
d. Are they going to do a conference meeting before you travel.. either by phone or in person?
This is an information gathering meeting between you and an agency REP where they help answer any last minute questions on the papers you must take over to AIT, to explain airports and lack of food before your departing gate (VERY IMPORTANT), where the best place for money exchange is, any last minute questions about your child or the proceedures.

F. WHEN QUESTIONING OTHERS THAT HAVE EXPERIENCE WITH AN AGENCY AS AN aPARENT, ASK THEM:

I. How was the communication?
II. How well do you feel they prepared you?
III. Are they hand holders?
IV. Were there any questions you asked that went unanswered?
V. Did you have any problems with getting information on your child after requesting it?
VI.Were there any bumps or major events during your adoption with them? If so, how did the agency handle it?

G. IF CONSIDERING INDEPENDENT ADOPTION
I. Try to grasp a firm understanding of the dossier paperwork first or find a good source/helper that has "been there done that" so that you are not so alone in the process
II. Recognize the differences:
a. Paperwork will be your responsibility first and fore most even with a Taiwan side coordinator.
b. The system is not as cut and dry as an experienced agency
c. Will you have to find a foster family for your child while the court proceedings are happening?
d. What all are they helping you with on their end?
e. Travel may be longer or shorter since the Visa may be acquired differently than with agencies.
f. What will they do to insure your child meets INS requirements?
g. What kind of background will you receive? What are they requiring of their placing families to insure your child has a solid transition?
h. What kind of Visa are you receiving for your child?

H. WHEN ADOPTING THROUGH AN AGENCY OR INDEPENDENT

I. Ask if there are any fees you should know about that are not listed and cross reference those with other Aparents online for affirmation.
II. Make sure you understand their routine and policies and when monies are due.
III. Ask about what kind of support is in place for you and your little one in Taiwan if there be an emergency or a need arise.
IV. What kind of contacts they have in Taiwan besides for just agency wise?

I. PADS-POST ADOPTION DEPRESSION

I. Know it is real and can strike anyone at anytime. Even experienced bio and adoptive parents.
II. Study it before hand so you can recognize the signs and be aware of a problem sneaking to steel your joy of your adoption.
III. DON'T hesitate to reach out on the forums to talk about any signs or symptoms of pads.
IV. DO NOT BE EMBARRASSED. When I did a poll on PADS most did not know about PADS before adopting, but a shocking number of trusted friends silently dealt with this ordeal and then came out about it almost a year after their adoption placement.
V. DO share your feelings with other Aparents and talk out adjustment issues and celebrations of the small triumphs in your adoption.
VI. DO NOT EXPECT to have no bumps, bruises, adjustments, behavior problems or other.
VII. Once you are through the dark waters and you are "IN LOVE" with your child, please pass this message on and share what you experienced so others may be more prepared for their adoption and possible PADS.

J. NOW THAT YOU HAVE CHOSEN TO ADOPT...
I. Please, RELAX, although I know that is hard (ok.. impossible for most), take up a new hobby.. others have found that
a. Blogging helps a bunch because you can share your blog with other aparents and vent or celebrate, which both are invaluable acts during your hard journey.. heck the wait is hard enough!!!
b. Scrapbooking. I personally scrapbooked all Jer's wonderful photos we got by surprise visitors to the nursery or through our updates.
c. Keep a Journal you can hand on to baby or the child when they are older so they feel apart of the overall Journey.
II. Take off those Rose colored glasses and just sit back.
a. A large majority of parents I talk to are wearing Rose colored glasses. They do make the "responsible parent" list however because they Do consider most of the questions most adoptive parents do, but too few go the extra mile to get support, REAL SUPPORT in place just in case there is a medical issue that was not discussed that pops up after returning home. Or the aparent just doesn't really listen to the facts that their child can have behavioral problems, eating problems, quarky habits, delays in skills etc. SO, what are you going to do about it????
Read a few books, REALLY listen to those that have gone before you.. they are pretty smart!
BUT DO NOT take everything to heart about your child that you read in books. After all they are still SOME ONE ELSES experiences that May or may not colide with your life.
b. Do not got Medical GA GA! These international doctors here in the U.S. can only know so much and they have not examined YOUR CHILD personally. NOT every test can be ran on every child to insure yours is healthy. Do not rely on head circumferance. Simply ask your DR if it seems alarming. Adoption is a LEAP OF FAITH FIRST AND FOREMOST. What Taiwan may or may not see as a Special need may or may not be one in the U.S. Also, some medical info will translate differently than what our terms are.. so DO NOT OBSESS Over this!!!!!
c. Do not hesitate to hound your agency if you have an IMPORTANT question. And most of all DO NOT hesitate to go to the boards for things that your fellow Aparents can field for you so that your agency gal or guy has time to handle the questions that your friends cannot answer.
d. DO NOT FREAK OUT if you do not love your child immediately. I know this sounds odd, and even horrible in some circles, BUT IT HAPPENS MORE THAN NOT AND MOST WON'T TALK ABOUT IT OUT OF EMBARRASSMENT!!!!!!!!! Please, do not be embarrassed but do know, that it is very normal part of the adoption Journey and in most cases will go away with time.. and it is usually a sign of PADS of some degree sneaking up on you.
e. MOST OF ALL... please enjoy this time. You may never experience Taiwan or adoption again. SO SOAK IT ALL IN! Take lots of pictures of the crazy "travel phone call" and the outfit you bought to bring your child home in.... DO SHARE!!!!! Everyone loves to hear about a new life getting a forever family!!!!! So don't hesitate to GLOAT ABOUT THAT WONDERFUL CHILD OF YOURS BIG OR SMALL!!!!!