The Agency dance or intimidation?

The Agency dance can be delightful at times and down right frustrating at times. The agency dance is so very intricate none the less. When you first start adopting, I would say that most tips or advice other adoptive parents will give you is to be careful of the Agency you choose to work with. The Agency is going to determine the kind of service you get, they will be your only connecting lifeline between your world and the world that your child lives in. This is huge for the adoptive family and the child being adopted. There are technically two categories of Agencies for simplistic explanation. The two "types" can be one and the same however. There is first of all the Homestudy agency and secondly the placing agency.

The Homestudy agency may very well be different than the placing Agency simply because your placing agency in most scenarios does not legally have to be the same as your Homestudy agency or even in the same state that you reside (some countries will demand they be one and the same and that they be local to you). The placing agency may be in Tennessee that you choose to work with BUT you may live in Georgia. The Homestudy agency in most if not in all scenarios, has to be in your state. If the placing agency you are choosing to work with does not have a local Homestudy Social worker that can come to you, then many times the placing agency does have a "preferred network" of homestudy agencies that they contract with that they can send you to. These "preferred network homestudy" agencies have a relationship with the placing agency which may provide a discounted homestudy service to you because of the way fees are set up within the placing agency or simply will allow a more efficient working relationship between the two agencies because they work together all the time. Most Adoptive parents that have "been there done that" will suggest to you to choose your placing agency before the homestudy agency. This is suggested because of these already formed relationships and some Placing agencies will indeed choose not to work with you if you come with a homestudy that is not from their "preferred network". So choosing your "placing agency" and finding out their requirements before having a homestudy worked up is beneficial. When choosing a placing agency you may want to ask the placing agency what other countries or adoption facets they service just in case you feel at some point, like you need to change your adoption path. Make sure you ask up front and get in writing how much of the fees already paid into the venture will be rolled over to another adoptive scenario. If you change to another country or from International adoption to Domestic will they have to update your homestudy? If so, how much cost will you incur? How long will this second process take? And how much of your money paid in will transfer to this new program. Also ask terms on if the country of your choosing was to close what are the agency policies about changing countries? If they don't have a country available that matches your family and budget then what?
The Homestudy agency is going to be the one that does all the work of getting to know your family on a personal level. Evaluating you, your spouse, your children at home with you, past and present relationships, and of course your home and living style.
They will want to see that you and your spouse have worked through any infertility issues that may have been apart of your life. They want to see that your children are apart of the process and handling it in a healthy manner. They want to see that your family has worked through things in the past such as abusive relationships and problems healthily. They will weed out your weaknesses as a family unit and individually and your strengths. The Social workers are usually there to find reasons to approve your family not vice versa. I know this will land on deaf ears but here goes anyways, "Relax and don't be too uptight about the home visits." Yeah right.
You will clean your house until you can eat off the floors! You will have all your paperwork neat and prepared and you will possibly even be rushing around at the last minute sweeping up those morning crumbs Dear daughter left on the floor from her toaster strudel. None the less, there would have to be a lot in your life to have them tell you no. If you have any past such as felony or misdimeanor you will want to disclose this up front. They will deal with you much better if they know up front and nothing is found out by surprise. Don't be afraid to be real with them.
The placing agency is the agency that is going to deal directly with your child's Birth parents if you are doing a domestic or with your child's country coordinator. They are your lifeline. They will help you get extra tests, pictures, and info on your child. They are responsible to you and the country for their actions. If you are adopting internationally you may find that your process involves a very important third entity. The Third would be the orphanage or foster care of the country you are working with.
Tips for dealing with these entities.
First of all. I know very well that we all can end up in this spot where we are receiving less than tolerable service from one or both of these entities and quite frankly because of the sensitive matter of it all, we keep our lips zipped and take it. We feel intimidated by the agency because they can say yes to us or no. They can choose us for a child or make us wait longer. They can hold our pictures and updates and not deliver. The truth of it is that this intimidation can only go so far. There are lawyers that would love to hear your case. The truth of the matter is that you have paid for a service with these agencies. A service to be done in a timely manner and including all of the parts of the service you were promised. Now this is of course to be considered greatly when you are about to get gruff with your agencies. Do consider that they are servicing a lot of patrons or clients at the same time and doing a fine juggling act, do NOT allow them infinite time to do this however. There is a limit and a point where and when your undo treatment by them becomes unlawful or flat wrong. Don't be afraid to ask questions and expect answers. If you were promised a part of the service you are not receiving you have the right to ask the agency to rectify the problem and then after due time, demand that they rectify. I hate, I repeat hate, talking about the lives of children along side with business but unfortunately there is a business that these agencies are apart of and they are making money to pay their personnel, it is not wrong that you demand the personnel that your fees are paying actually do their work. Try to always keep your temper in check and be completely respectful. Continue to be open to honest reasons and explanations as to why the work remains undone, but please do not be intimidated to the point that you are paying them to mistreat you.
When dealing with independent adoption. You will more than likely have a Homestudy agency, in some states you will have to have an agency "acting" as your placing agency. This agency will usually collect fees for the usual work of a homestudy, possibly with a little extra in order to pay for any extra work they do for you in conjunction with your adoption. To find out if your state is a state where a placing agency is required, simply call your homestudy agency and ask questions. Your state requiring a placing agency, may not rule your family out from independent adoption at all if done and approached properly. They will be honest with you 9 out of 10 times. They have no reason to hide the answer from you as to whether or not you need a placing agency.
In independent, you will possibly be working with a placing entity in the form of a friend, missionary, or small orphanage not contracted with the government or other larger orphanages. There is a little more tact and understanding needed when dealing with these folks. And it is not just the issue of not paying them money to help you. If you are or aren't paying them for work rendered for you, you will want to be respectful and honest at all times. These folks are usually doing this as a labor of the heart and not asking for retribution from you, so be delicate and give them a little more room. If your source does not require a donation or retribution, you may want to consider this anyways as a gesture of good faith and friendship. No matter if you are working with all agencies or with another source, please make sure you are not ugly, mean or disrespectful at any time. Keep your mind about you and treat them as you wish to be treated. Honey goes a lot farther than vinegar. In the independent adoption, you will be working with a lot of other sources that an agency would normally work with on your behalf. So keep your head about you and pay attention. You will more than likely have a lawyer in the country that you are working with. Check into their background to the best of your ability and make sure they speak english. There will be others you will be in direct contact with. Possibly judges, AIT workers, and many others. Just take it as it comes and research every step. Your adoption will after all look very similar to that of an agency adoption, just with you doing all the paperwork and most liaison work.

Welcome to the Adoption world.. why am I here?

It's all about adoption. Are you right for adoption? How do you adopt? There are so many avenues for adoption. These avenues can be so confusing and scary for the travelers in this journey. Agencies claiming that their regulations are the country or orphanage regulations, insterstate compacts, and different rules from state to state can make a newby in the adoption world say "Oh My". There is no need for this daunting feeling that aches in the pit of your stomach, but don't worry, it is natural for a new Adoptive parent to feel bewildered and stressed before they even sign with an adoption agency or pick their avenue to travel for their adoption journey. I am hoping that you will find my writing as a beacon of hope in this sea of information. I am not at all claiming to know everything about adoption, but I am willing to offer to you what I do know. So, sit down, take a deep breath and read. Soak it up, then when you are ready, step away from your computer and start your adoption journey.

Are you in your adoption journey but feel as though others are not understanding you? Do you feel pressured by outsiders to act a certain way? Are you frustrated with your agency or adoption professional?

This is all pretty normal in the adoption community. Just like any relationship that means anything. It takes work and understanding on both sides and I know how it feels when you are doing all the understanding and those around you are refusing to understand you. The sometimes daily screaming in your mind tends to become deafening during a long adoption journey. I am going to try to still that voice in your head that is screaming for acknoweldgement. I want to offer you hope and understanding about adoption but not so much understanding you can't function as an adoptive parent. Yes, it is possible to read so much you numb your own built in skills and make bringing your new family member home anything but a delight. So take heed and understand the first rule of adoption. The person that wrote that book is more than likely a self proclaimed professional and has not adopted ALL the children in the world, so they too will have a limited understanding of your child. Does this mean to not read these books or even what I am typing to you? No, not at all. Just make sure to keep your head in check and let your opinions have room to breathe so that when that wonderful day arrives and you are picking your child up, you are not holding a bag of tricks meant for someone elses child. Trust me, you DO have instincts and they are worth while. Just because your child is adopted does not make them a special secret diseased being. Just a little different. Adopting a child is a balance. A wonderful and beautiful balance and I hope to help you see that as time goes on. So, now that we have the first ground rule laid, and you understand that I am just a person like you, sharing what I have learned and found to work, we can now move forward and start learning. Stick around. I like you.

So you want to adopt through TAIWAN??? Or anywhere?

Hello, Welcome to the confusing yet wonderful world of adoption via Taiwan. If you are like I was, you are probably searching for an agency or an adoption path that fits your family profile, your budget, your desired time frame, and possibly even how long you want to be in country. Well, with China adding and changing their rules around, in turn eliminating the option for some to adopt from China, it is now thrusting these parents to other asian countries to find their little ones and Taiwan is quickly becoming the country to adopt from. With their lax rules Which are as follows from the U.S. Government site.
I will start by suggesting that you ask about requirements of the country, the orphanages they work with specifically, and also the agency itself and ask them to divide the rules and regs up by that standard. If they are claiming a reg that is not in the below state department list, and they are claiming it is.. BEWARE!

A. ASK ABOUT RULES AND REGS of the orphanages, country and agency

I. ELIGIBILITY REQUIREMENTS FOR ADOPTIVE PARENTS: The articles of law relating to adoption in Taiwan are found in the Civil Code (Family and Children Welfare Act in Book VI), Articles 1072 through 1083.

• The adopting parents must be at least twenty years older than the child(ren) to be adopted.
• No child adopted may be:
  1. Directly related by blood;
  2. Directly related by marriage, except in the adoption of the other spouse’s child as a stepchild; and
  3. Indirectly related by blood, such as cousins (unless removed by a certain degree), the spouse of a sibling, or a sibling of your spouse. (Taiwan law is very detailed about what degree of indirect blood relation is excluded from adoption. If prospective adoptive parents are concerned about possible blood ties with the child they wish to adopt, they should contact AIT for clarification before proceeding with the adoption.)

Taiwanese regulations further stipulate that adopting parents must be adults not older than 55 years of age. A married person who adopts a child shall do so jointly with his/her spouse.

So, with that said, I would secondly suggest that when you speak to an agency or an independent adoption source, you ask what THEIR rules and regulations are or policies for placement with their families. St. Lucy Center and Chung Yi's rules are more like "suggestions" that can be over turned. They do review a family on a case by case basis. Some regs do come from the orphanages such as:

II. ORPHANAGE REGS:

Must be over the age of 25 or 20 years older than the child (second is in an older child adoption)
Must be married 5 years or more.
Must not have criminal history (although this is a suggested rule, and can be overturned)
Must be in good health (This is not by any means meaning that if you have an issue that you won't be considered again, these are used really as GUIDELINES and not a hard line of fact)

Now, the agencies however are adding a higher level of insult or hoops to be jumped by requiring even more... such as:

II. A. Agency rules:

Must be over 30.
Must not have a Body Mass Index over 30 or 40%
Must not have any health problems existing.
Cannot choose sex of child to be adopted.
Cannot add to your family if you have X amount of children.
Must wait until child in your home is X months or years old.
Cannot adopt from Taiwan unless you are XXX religion.

Please ask your agency for guidelines and policies for their programs before signing and make sure they line up with your goals and desires for your journey. MOST agencies will represent that their rules are orphanage or country specific and THEY ARE NOT!
Please, if you are being told that your agency is wanting you to comply with any of the afore mentioned (paragraph II A.) and your family is wishing for a different outcome.... please do not hesitate to contact another agency until you find what you are desiring as far as stipulations.
For instance a family told me that they were wanting to adopt, BUT they had 5 children and the agency they contacted told them that they could not help them, BUT they put them in another program under the guise that this "other" program would be better for their family. YOU SHOULD NOT BE CO-Hearsed into a situation you do not want to comply with. There are other agencies with other programs that very well may suit you. LOOK ELSEWHERE!

B. ASK ABOUT GAG CLAUSES THAT PREVENT PAST CLIENTS OF THE AGENCY TO SHARE EXPERIENCES OPENLY AND HONESTLY.

I. Most if not all agencies that will have you sign a very scary contract. This contract usually is standard in many ways... BUT there are some agencies that will put a clause in the contract known as a GAG clause, that will legally bind you and their clients in totality to never be allowed to discuss a wrong doing, bad experience, or a distateful subject matter outside the company. Therefore you will be in danger of lawsuit if you do have a horrible experience and are caught sharing.
II. These same agencies that employ the GAG CLAUSE, are also sending spies into the adoption world on forums you discuss on and in chat rooms in order to lore you out and catch you discussing a bad ordeal you had or are having with your agency so that they can hold their GAG clause over your head. They do not identify themselves until you have been caught, if then. They act as a questioning parent or uninterested party.

C. WHEN DECIDING ON AN AGENCY, JOIN FORUMS SUCH AS

Adoption_Agency_Research@yahoo.com and ask questions about the agencies or inteties/resources you are desiring to work with to bring your child home.
I. Other helpful sites for fishing for answers are:
a. AdoptingfromTaiwan@yahoo.com
b.ChristianInternationalAdoption@yahoo.com,
c. Adopting_from_Taiwan@yahoo.com (recommend research on this group only)
d.Adoption.com (forums: International adoption/General Asian forum

D. ASK IF THE AGENCY PROVIDES A "TAIWAN SIDE" HELPER

I. This is a person that works on the inside of Taiwan to ask questions more directly, go to the orphanage to represent your desire or need for your child and meets you in country to help you with the first meeting with your child and to translate while there. MANY do not supply this. This is a comfort level for some families feel they must have.

E. ASK HOW IN DEPTH THE AGENCY WILL PREPARE YOU FOR TRAVEL

I. The agency we worked with was SUPERIOR in this topic. They provided WAY above what we were expecting as traveling parents.
a. They provided handmade taxi cards to insure an easier time getting around. These cards included address in Mandarin to an english speaking doctor, major hotels, shopping, sites, AIT, orphanages.. etc. They proved INVALUABLE.
b. They provided us with a type of commercial taxi card which was from Taiwan with more in depth info and more sites and such.
c. They provided us with an in depth look via web look into Taiwan's culture, traditions and what was expected of us as Americans. This was most helpful in buying gifts since flowers are usually given at funerals only by Taiwan tradition, and the Taiwanese do not open gifts in front of people, they are put aside until later. Things like this can really cause a kink in your trip when you are already frazzled about all the goings on about to happen.
d. Are they going to do a conference meeting before you travel.. either by phone or in person?
This is an information gathering meeting between you and an agency REP where they help answer any last minute questions on the papers you must take over to AIT, to explain airports and lack of food before your departing gate (VERY IMPORTANT), where the best place for money exchange is, any last minute questions about your child or the proceedures.

F. WHEN QUESTIONING OTHERS THAT HAVE EXPERIENCE WITH AN AGENCY AS AN aPARENT, ASK THEM:

I. How was the communication?
II. How well do you feel they prepared you?
III. Are they hand holders?
IV. Were there any questions you asked that went unanswered?
V. Did you have any problems with getting information on your child after requesting it?
VI.Were there any bumps or major events during your adoption with them? If so, how did the agency handle it?

G. IF CONSIDERING INDEPENDENT ADOPTION
I. Try to grasp a firm understanding of the dossier paperwork first or find a good source/helper that has "been there done that" so that you are not so alone in the process
II. Recognize the differences:
a. Paperwork will be your responsibility first and fore most even with a Taiwan side coordinator.
b. The system is not as cut and dry as an experienced agency
c. Will you have to find a foster family for your child while the court proceedings are happening?
d. What all are they helping you with on their end?
e. Travel may be longer or shorter since the Visa may be acquired differently than with agencies.
f. What will they do to insure your child meets INS requirements?
g. What kind of background will you receive? What are they requiring of their placing families to insure your child has a solid transition?
h. What kind of Visa are you receiving for your child?

H. WHEN ADOPTING THROUGH AN AGENCY OR INDEPENDENT

I. Ask if there are any fees you should know about that are not listed and cross reference those with other Aparents online for affirmation.
II. Make sure you understand their routine and policies and when monies are due.
III. Ask about what kind of support is in place for you and your little one in Taiwan if there be an emergency or a need arise.
IV. What kind of contacts they have in Taiwan besides for just agency wise?

I. PADS-POST ADOPTION DEPRESSION

I. Know it is real and can strike anyone at anytime. Even experienced bio and adoptive parents.
II. Study it before hand so you can recognize the signs and be aware of a problem sneaking to steel your joy of your adoption.
III. DON'T hesitate to reach out on the forums to talk about any signs or symptoms of pads.
IV. DO NOT BE EMBARRASSED. When I did a poll on PADS most did not know about PADS before adopting, but a shocking number of trusted friends silently dealt with this ordeal and then came out about it almost a year after their adoption placement.
V. DO share your feelings with other Aparents and talk out adjustment issues and celebrations of the small triumphs in your adoption.
VI. DO NOT EXPECT to have no bumps, bruises, adjustments, behavior problems or other.
VII. Once you are through the dark waters and you are "IN LOVE" with your child, please pass this message on and share what you experienced so others may be more prepared for their adoption and possible PADS.

J. NOW THAT YOU HAVE CHOSEN TO ADOPT...
I. Please, RELAX, although I know that is hard (ok.. impossible for most), take up a new hobby.. others have found that
a. Blogging helps a bunch because you can share your blog with other aparents and vent or celebrate, which both are invaluable acts during your hard journey.. heck the wait is hard enough!!!
b. Scrapbooking. I personally scrapbooked all Jer's wonderful photos we got by surprise visitors to the nursery or through our updates.
c. Keep a Journal you can hand on to baby or the child when they are older so they feel apart of the overall Journey.
II. Take off those Rose colored glasses and just sit back.
a. A large majority of parents I talk to are wearing Rose colored glasses. They do make the "responsible parent" list however because they Do consider most of the questions most adoptive parents do, but too few go the extra mile to get support, REAL SUPPORT in place just in case there is a medical issue that was not discussed that pops up after returning home. Or the aparent just doesn't really listen to the facts that their child can have behavioral problems, eating problems, quarky habits, delays in skills etc. SO, what are you going to do about it????
Read a few books, REALLY listen to those that have gone before you.. they are pretty smart!
BUT DO NOT take everything to heart about your child that you read in books. After all they are still SOME ONE ELSES experiences that May or may not colide with your life.
b. Do not got Medical GA GA! These international doctors here in the U.S. can only know so much and they have not examined YOUR CHILD personally. NOT every test can be ran on every child to insure yours is healthy. Do not rely on head circumferance. Simply ask your DR if it seems alarming. Adoption is a LEAP OF FAITH FIRST AND FOREMOST. What Taiwan may or may not see as a Special need may or may not be one in the U.S. Also, some medical info will translate differently than what our terms are.. so DO NOT OBSESS Over this!!!!!
c. Do not hesitate to hound your agency if you have an IMPORTANT question. And most of all DO NOT hesitate to go to the boards for things that your fellow Aparents can field for you so that your agency gal or guy has time to handle the questions that your friends cannot answer.
d. DO NOT FREAK OUT if you do not love your child immediately. I know this sounds odd, and even horrible in some circles, BUT IT HAPPENS MORE THAN NOT AND MOST WON'T TALK ABOUT IT OUT OF EMBARRASSMENT!!!!!!!!! Please, do not be embarrassed but do know, that it is very normal part of the adoption Journey and in most cases will go away with time.. and it is usually a sign of PADS of some degree sneaking up on you.
e. MOST OF ALL... please enjoy this time. You may never experience Taiwan or adoption again. SO SOAK IT ALL IN! Take lots of pictures of the crazy "travel phone call" and the outfit you bought to bring your child home in.... DO SHARE!!!!! Everyone loves to hear about a new life getting a forever family!!!!! So don't hesitate to GLOAT ABOUT THAT WONDERFUL CHILD OF YOURS BIG OR SMALL!!!!!

Repost Taiwan info

Taiwan info

Although Taiwan has over 32 orphanages, Taiwan has 3 baby nurseries presently in the game publicly.
One is Cathwell http://www.cs.org.tw/ which is ONLY and THE ONLY birthmother program. LONGEST WAIT. Works with 2 agencies I know for sure.
St. Lucy Center http://www.stlucycenter.org/ is in Tainan and they do not like the BParents to meet the adoptive parents. They are the second longest wait. They work with several of the U.S. agencies you see.
Chung Yi http://www.cybaby.org.tw/E_Page_Show.asp?Page_ID=2 is the third and FINAL that works with public agencies. They are in Taichung and are attached to an older child orphanage. They are the shortest wait depending on what agency you go with. They presently work with 2-3 U.S. specific agencies.
There are two private orphanages/nurseries that work with BORN AGAIN believers only... Home of God's Love http://www.thehomeofgodslove.org/ (not taking apps right now) and then there is an organization Morning Light missions http://mlchome.org/adopting.aspx that can help locate a child for you and total fees are around 12k.
Lastly there is a gov Christian branch csstpe1983@yahoo.com.tw. http://seed100.com/csstpe/about-children-women-service-en.htm and there is also an AIDS Mercy home mercyh@ms42.hinet.net that adopts out children that were born to AIDS parents but the child has been tested for months until cleared for adoption with a negative result.
There is also another older child adoption but I think it is Chung Yi Linked.
On top of all of this, there is the fostercare system which I think works through Chung Yi firstly then SLC lastly.
Now, Some agencies will put you into a pool if they work with SLC and Chung Yi (not in a birthmom program). The pool is for both orphanages. Then there are some that works with SLC only but can get referrals from the foster care system.
Right now there is the one agency quoting the shortest waits along with one other agency (both SLC program specific) but you cannot choose gender. They have just implemented an abandoned child program on top of all of this though which is cheaper than the mainstream programs. ONe agency has put a temp moretorium on their (healthy infant) apps because of their waiting family pool becoming too large.. they wish to allow that to settle down and will reopen their program A around April the 16th.

If anyone needs info as to who to avoid, who has the most, or any info on waits and such.. please email me.